Aaron's Free Online Horoscopes, Astrology Paradoxes of Intimacy
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Venus does not ensure intimacy. She gives expression of our need to be connected with others. She's like an emotional Mercury--a connector, not a generator. As such she has certain clear limits; she can evoke deep feelings, but she herself is not deep. Her function is horizontal in linking those having sympathetic vibrations. She is the planet of taste, describing what we like and how we express pleasure.

Venus is not instinctive. She is very strongly conditioned by socializing forces and describes the kind of behavior that will bring us approval and acceptance as taught to us by our families. Venus in Capricorn people learn that respect and accomplishment will bring approval. Those with Venus in Gemini will be rewarded for their wit and intelligence. The house position will show us where or in what circumstances love can be received. Someone with Venus in the 10th House needs a career or public recognition to accept her or his own value or worth. Love transmitted through a channel other than that of the natal Venus will be difficult to fully receive. Telling someone with Venus in Leo that you love her or him because s/he is productive is not going to ring any bells. Try that one on someone with Venus in an Earth sign where it is more likely to be appreciated.

Venus behavior is directed towards others or learned in relationships. Venus has little consciousness of herself as herself--she knows herself in relationship to others. She's a compass seeking to guide us to those who are in accord with her ideals. Venus is, of course, a female symbol. She is young and beautiful, not old and wise. Her dependence on outward approval and appearance reminds us of an adolescent conscious of peer pressure concerning styles of dress, speech and mannerism. Adaptation to social norms is essential here. Even a rebellious Venus in Aquarius opposite Uranus is adapting to social norms; she finds her way going against the current. But the social current is her point of reference. Individuals who have Venus difficulties in the natal chart, due to sign or house placement, hard aspects or retrograde motion, may have difficulty finding a harmonious place for themselves among their peers. They are not worth less, nor are they inherently less attractive than others; they simply do not fit in easily with predominant social standards. Ideally, this can leave them free to discover new forms of love and beauty.

The symbol of Venus has been likened to that of a hand mirror, representing the importance of beauty or appearance. As the planet just ahead of the Earth, she reminds us of our need to journey back to the Sun, the source of life. This could also be described as narcissism in that the focus is on finding the beautiful self. It is easy for Venus to stay stuck at this adolescent stage of development in which pleasure is her only goal. In her youth she does not know her deeper self, the potential to move from girl to woman, thus she avoids pain and discomfort, lacking the emotional resources to deal with them. This shows us the most superficial sides of love and relationship.

In contrast, the Moon symbolizes a more profound aspect of the feminine. She is not the uncertain adolescent but the woman whose focus is on survival, preservation and nurturance. She is not subject to the changes of style in the way that Venus is. Her intimacy is not in the horizontal sharing of Venus, but in the total giving and receiving of the mother and child. The Moon represents the vertical relationship in which one gives to another without respect to likes or dislikes. It is not even a question of duty (that is in the domain of Saturn). It is pure instinct.

With Venus we have the relationship of two separate individuals. With the Moon, this separation is not evident. The Moon carries with it the memories of the past and the need to perpetuate the future through nurturing, caring and feeding. Venus indicates what we like; the Moon shows us what we need. This essential difference is often lost in the moment of connection with another person. But this difference is an important one in understanding the potentials of any given relationship, for if we stay at the level of Venus we may like the taste in our mouths, but still feel empty in our bellies. It is as if Venus were made of sugar. A diet of sugar will not sustain life for a long time, even if the palate is highly stimulated. The constant pleasure of the sugar will give way eventually to a deep hunger for something more solid, something more essential. This is what the Moon shows us in the natal chart as she describes what we need to be fed on an emotional level. Without this, the most beautiful of relationships will not sustain itself. Until we reach the level of the Moon, profound intimacy and closeness is not possible.

Part of the challenge for astrologers is that the symbolism of the Moon and Venus is not clearly defined. Both are receptive, feminine and relationship-oriented. The depth of the Moon and its unconscious needs can get lost in analyzing charts with respect to relation ships. Difficult aspects between Venus and the Moon are not well delineated. We tend to think that they are two nice, gentle planets and, therefore, cannot create complications for one another. This is far from true. The relationships between Venus and the Moon in a natal chart is a vital clue to understanding the interaction between likes and needs. On the level of early childhood experience, Venus may show us what kind of social behavior was valued. The Moon, less evident but even more important, describes the emotional atmosphere behind that social behavior.

Few of us are sufficiently evolved to have Venus in perfect harmony with the Moon. Trines, sextiles and conjunctions between the two indicate similarities, but even in the best of cases it's virtually impossible to bring the two of them together. In fact, this may not even be desirable. The goal, rather, might be to become conscious of their differences so that we know which role we are playing, which part of ourselves we are working with at a given moment.

For those with Venus and the Moon in conflict, whether astrologically by aspect or simply by knowing that your tastes do not match your needs, the source might be seen in the family. Were social behaviors at odds with deeper feelings? With Venus in Aries and the Moon in Cancer, mother may have encouraged independence. Perhaps she even appeared abrupt with others. However, it is likely that she also had very strong needs to belong, as shown by the Moon in Cancer. Tough on the outside, Aries, and tender on the in side, Cancer, might be one way to describe this. The complication is that Venus' Aries placement would not easily permit the more sensitive parts of the Moon in Cancer to show. How can we get close with others if we think we have to act independent to be liked, yet have a profound need for belonging? This challenge is best met by acknowledging that one's penchant for dynamism or spontaneity in relationships (Venus in Aries) does not deny the incredible sensitivity of the Moon in Cancer.

Astrologer Zipporah Dobyns has said that the difficulty between planets in conflict is one of choosing which is correct in a given situation. Neither is better nor worse than the other. Hard aspects may simply show us the challenges in changing from one kind of behavior to another. Learning to make the shift from Venus in Aries to the Moon in Cancer can be difficult, but the reward is to be able to include a wide range of behavior in your personality. All conflict in a chart offers this challenge and a potential for diversity and richness of character.

Intimacy begins with the Moon. She is the body closest to the Earth and symbolizes the most intimate of relationships--that of mother and child. It is an instinctive relationship in which two beings are in the closest physical contact. The fetus is totally dependent upon the mother. She is changed physically by the life within her and must respond. If not, the life of the baby and the mother can be threatened. The Moon represents this potentiality for closeness. Of course, a relationship based primarily on the Moon may not be very stimulating. It lacks the dynamism of the Venus-based horizontal relationship (which also includes a bit of Mars). We have already been in the womb, so we don't need to reproduce this kind of total dependence upon another. If we deny our emotional needs of our Moon, however, and rest on the level of Venus, we stay forever next to one another but never inside one another. It seems clear, then, that both Venus and the Moon are important for relationships. Let's take a look at how they might work in combination. The following does not take into account all of the complexities of Venus and the Moon but uses the four elements to give us an overview of their possible dynamics.

When Venus and the Moon are found in Fire, the key ideas are independence, self-expression, spontaneity and discovery. The goals are not those of security and familiarity, but risk and change. This combination is not typical of the Moon/Venus archetypes, thus it may be a bit more difficult to integrate into the social patterns of our culture. The constant need for stimulation and newness puts pressure on the relationship to provide excitement. Without this challenge, the relationship can easily become boring. Evidently, the family pattern in childhood was such that independence and "flash" were valued. This can give the impression of great openness, but this does not easily support intimacy. Ideally, someone with this combination will find a partner who is also independent, allowing for separations and the excitement of renewal with each return. These positions also suggest the possibilities to create new kinds of unions with others.

When Venus is in a Fire sign and the Moon is in an Earth sign, the contrasts are clear. Venus in Fire can appear spunky and dynamic, willing to take risks. The Moon in Earth, however, tends to be somewhat conservative. One wants excitement, but needs a solid material base for emotional well-being. This could correspond with a mother who was very socially expressive but actually rather guarded in expressing her needs. Both Fire and Earth like to appear confident, but Fire does this through action and Earth through patience. A barrier to intimacy can be the fear of expressing one's material or comfort needs. If one believes that the openness of Fire brings love, s/he can find it difficult to show the more mundane parts of him/herself. But it is this very solid emotional base, this sincerity and certainty, that can nurture the fiery and outgoing Venus.

When the Moon is in an Air sign and Venus in Fire, there is harmony, according to traditional astrology. While there is some truth to this, there are some considerable differences between these two elemental placements. Fire wants to act, to be spontaneous, while Air likes to think, to watch. With Venus in Fire, all of that charm, energy and warmth comes out when people are around. The illusion is that the feeling is going to endure. While this may be more true with Venus in Leo, the fact is that Fire is a specialist in the now. Tomorrow is another day. The Moon in Air is rational and uses the mind to keep a distance. The emotional need is to understand what's happening, but this position can leave someone feeling separate from the action. The likes of Venus in Fire are not so easily met by this lunar position, the warmth being supported by the cool. Initial enthusiasm is present, but it is thought which closes the story.

With Venus in Fire and the Moon in Water, we are dealing with a highly dramatic situation. Water and Fire are a powerful and primal combination which has little interest in reason or practicality. The tension can be high as Venus in Fire likes the action while the super sensitive Moon in Water needs to protect itself at all costs. Blowing off steam to get some distance is one way this might be done. The overt confidence of Venus in Fire is not necessarily matched by the more vulnerable Moon placement. The need to be long is strong with the Moon in Water, but Venus in Fire often attracts independent partners. The Moon in Water needs a certain amount of confidentiality and discretion, not the strength of Venus in Fire. The dynamic here can be of advance and withdraw, often confusing others. That initial daring of Venus in Fire can appear so sexy and freewheeling, but the Moon in Water may get clingy or even turn off at the critical moment.

Venus in Earth signs basically indicates that material values and comforts or success in the world are elements that contribute to one's sense of self-worth. Love in the family may have been strongly connected to accomplishment, expertise or self-control. This is not the most dynamic place for Venus. Her essential need for others may crystallize under the weight of earthy expectations. However, there can be a sincerity or solidity here that can be very real and reassuring. When the Moon is also in Earth, both the need for comfort and the existence to compromise is raised. This does not make for the most exciting of relationships, but it can build steady ones able to endure for long periods of time. Safety, rather than discovery, is emphasized here. Having these two planets in the same element can reduce internal contradictions, but at the same time it can limit one's options with others. Ideally, there will be other placements in the chart that show flexibility to provide balance. Mystery is not present here, which, at its best, brings honesty and clarity. At its worst, it can inhibit romance and discovery.

Venus in Earth with the Moon in Air is a very rational combination. Every detail of Venus in Earth's particular requirements can be explained logically. Of course, the other side of the Moon in Air is its capacity to see options. In this combination, the Moon may feel trapped in limited social forms of expression, feeling that alternatives exist. The challenge is to combine these practical Venus qualities with some of the idealism of the Moon in Air. On the other hand, Air is not particularly realistic. This means that childhood demands for practical behavior were not met with the kind of emotional stability one would then expect. The external form of relationship does not match the inner experience of feeling. It is somewhat like being a bird in the body of an elephant. One must walk carefully and be sensitive to the weight of social interaction while having visions of flight in her/his mind. If the social pressures or limitations of Venus in Earth are too rigid, the flight is through the mind, and intimacy becomes very difficult. Combining day-to-day reality with good clear communication can help cut through this potential problem.

With Venus in Earth and the Moon in water, we find ourselves once more with a theoretically compatible couple. The biggest difference, though, is between the stability of Earth and the emotionality of Water. Water needs to feel, to be connected, to go beyond the boundaries of separateness. Earth prefers well-marked landscapes with fences or walls, if necessary, to keep everything in its place. Mother may have taught us to appreciate the practical things in life, but she also passed on the message that feelings count, too. All of the material security in the world will not replace the intimacy that can come from letting someone feel our most private places. The Moon in Water needs mystery and the unspoken inner life. Venus in Earth is rewarded for controlling all of that and keeping us out of the dark places. It is in the dark, though, that union occurs, in that place where all barriers dissolve in the meeting of the unknown. With Venus in Earth, one might like clarity and control, but without the depth and intensity of Water there is little likelihood for fulfillment.

Venus in Earth and the Moon in Fire is a very extreme situation. Fire needs drama and excitement while the Earth is just the opposite. External calm and practicality can be expected of the Venus in Earth person. But what does s/he do with that inner need for risk, for excitement? Earth is bound up in social rules which the Moon in Fire barely understands. The law of Fire is a divine law, above that of earthly constraints. This combination can produce relationships which work practically on the outside while allowing emotional autonomy on the inside. This is excellent for productivity, but not the easiest for intimacy. There is not much space for dialogue here, nor for abstraction. There is matter, and there is activity. Expectations of proper social behavior may have masked deeper emotional needs for freedom of expression. We may feel that we were given mixed messages about relationships because of this contradiction. Choosing the right circumstances to express one's more "wild" side might be appropriate here.

Venus in Air is generally associated with forms of love and approval that are derived from mental constructs. Whether it is communication (Gemini), sharing (Libra) or belonging to a higher ideal (Aquarius), all of these produce idealized "pictures" of correct social behavior. Air has a quality of creating images which lie in the head, not in the heart or in the guts. Venus in Air can make it difficult to get in touch with our feelings on these levels, making contact with the less socialized Moon all the more difficult. The Moon is essentially beyond reason. Venus can be quite reasonable, but she is in some ways a bridge between the mind and the emotions. When she is in Air, the mental is strongly favored.

The combination of the Moon and Venus in Air emphasizes rationalization. This can be an individual who understands relationships on an intellectual level but has difficulty dealing with the uncertainties of real relationships. Accepting one's own dirty little secrets can also be difficult for Air. There is that idealized image to uphold and a desire to escape from that which is base or ordinary. Individuals with the Moon in Air can be very good at talking about their feelings. It is in feeling them that they can have difficulties. The passage through the dark tunnel of the unknown, unexplainable and emotional can easily escape the Moon in Air person. The taboo subjects of life are difficult here as mother often taught us to understand and rise above them. Direct experience on an emotional level may be as strange an idea as breathing on another planet. For Moon/Venus in Air types, intimacy is about talking, about ideas and ideals, and less about their own feelings. Fusion, too, would be a bit strange, as Air likes to keep its distance to see clearly.

Venus in Air and the Moon in Water mixes an idealized image of relationships, even a kind of surface cool, with a depth of passion and feeling which may seem out of place, certainly out of control. The social values of Venus in Air depend upon good will and love for all of humanity (or at least tolerance of differences). The Moon in Water, though, is highly subjective and needs to feel what it feels without rational judgment or expectations. What one sees on the surface here is often someone open and friendly. As we come closer, the Moon in Water begins to express itself and can snap at those for whom it has no place. There is a need to nurture the instinctive and the non-rational, even as rational ideas are outwardly expressed. Combining these two requires recognition that ideals are to be respected, but feelings come first. When both are in play, intimacy can be available in a wide variety of relationships.

Venus in Air and the Moon in Fire is another theoretically compatible couple. The contradiction is that Venus in Air is objective, while the Moon in Fire is highly subjective. The freedom needs of the Moon in Fire do not easily correspond with the idealism of Venus in Air. One wants communication and the other wants to be her/himself. There is also the contrast between ideas and action, which was mentioned earlier in this article. The combination of Air and Fire often gives a great deal of charm and vitality. Again, though, intimacy or letting others in may not be so easy. Early childhood training may have emphasized good manners and communication skills for Venus in Air, but in the background was an emotional quality of explosiveness or non-rationality. The dynamic of Air and Fire here can be one of trying to contain the individuality and unpredictability of the Moon in Fire by proper social behavior. A key to closeness is allowing the Moon's "dangerous" intensity to show itself from time to time, rather than having it muffled by the white-gloved Venus in Air.

Venus in Air and the Moon in Earth combine elements of the ideal and the real. At its best, this combination has a clear and calm approach to relationships, which may allow for solidity and a certain steadiness. Conflicts may arise over the differences between Venus in Air's sense of justice versus the Moon in Earth's inherent selfishness. The Moon in Earth needs to respond to its direct senses and physical needs. Even if a Moon in Virgo or Capricorn has a sense of responsibility towards others, this comes from direct contact or feeling. Venus in Air deals with abstractions, ideal models or socially appropriate forms. The liberal Venus meets the conservative Moon in this coupling. What you see on the outside may not be reflected in the more self-protective Moon in Earth. Ideals espoused in the family may not have been fully lived out. Venus in Air is not going to be matched in its idealism by the Moon in Earth. We talk a good relationship, but we take care of ourselves. A willingness to communicate the material needs and fears of the Moon in Earth can keep it from being isolated from one's relationship life.

Venus in Water is one of the most interesting placements because she is in the element of the Moon. Individuals with Venus in Water tend to be nurturing and warm in their relationships with others. This, however, can be one of the most misleading placements if the Moon does not share the same commitment to intimacy. Water is present on the social or more superficial level. There can be great disappointment if the person with this placement attracts those who expect emotions to work at a deeper level.

When Venus and the Moon are both in Water, we have the potential for the most intimate of relationships. Both the social conditioning and the unconscious emotional patterns tend towards feeling at its deepest. One of the difficulties with Water, though, is its reluctance to stand back and look at what s/he is feeling. This can make communications more difficult. A watery syndrome is one that suggests if you love someone you shouldn't have to explain your feelings: "If you really love me, you should be able to read my mind." The desire to keep relationships at this intimate and mysterious level may inhibit their growth. The goals here are closeness, fusion and loss of self-identity. While this does bring us nearer to our traditional ideas of "true love," it does not necessarily foster personal awareness. Everything works best in its proper proportion. With both Venus and the Moon in Water, one can swoon in romanticism, crash and burn, then rise again if and when the wounds have healed sufficiently. Closeness does not mean smothering or loss of self; such are the dangers here. Anything that encourages objectivity is helpful.

Venus in Water with the Moon in Fire can exemplify the individual who expresses a tremendous amount of warmth, even love, but can still be hard to get close to. The Moon in Fire is not easy to penetrate. Its power is in giving warmth; receiving it can be much more difficult. The Moon in Fire does not easily show its needs, even as Venus in Water can behave in a way that suggests such is possible. The conflict here is that one wants close relationships but has great need for internal freedom. The form is intimate while space still needs to be kept for the self. This can come from a childhood in which one learned how to be kind and caring for other people, but still had to respect mother's independence (or even dominance). There can be confusion about the feminine as the social behavior is so sensitive, but there is still an unspoken feeling of distance with respect to mother. Again, with Fire the strength is in expressing or giving, not in receiving.

Venus in Water and the Moon in Earth deals with a similar pattern, but one much less dramatic. The intensity of Water and Fire is of the highest order. With the Moon in Earth, though, the underlying emotional need is to keep things at a reasonable level of control. Even if the Moon in Virgo or Capricorn can be a bit grumbly, it doesn't want to break out into the kind of drama of the Moon in Fire. With Venus in Water, there is also some desire to have things move harmoniously. But Water does not easily allow this to happen with out some element of emotional involvement. So, again we see the warm outer form of Venus in Water, but below that lies the more arid region of the Moon in Earth. One may act in a compassionate manner, but the Moon in Earth keeps an eye on the bottom line and does not want to lose control. We could describe this as the hard center and the soft exterior. Since the Moon in Earth has to deal with practical considerations, she cannot make room to take care of everyone for whom Venus in Water has feelings.

Venus in Water and the Moon in Air can be wonderful for talking about and understanding relationships. The closeness of Venus in Water can be balanced by the objectivity and distance of the Moon in Air. Air is not distant in space, just in feeling. It can be present and alert, but just not feel very solid. This can be disappointing for those searching for the nourishment of feelings with which Water is associated. That sensitive behavior of Venus in Water seems to evaporate in the cool logic of the Moon in Air. One wants to be touched; instead, one gets explanations. The Moon in Air wants so much to understand its emotions that she doesn't much like having them. They are filtered through reason, which may feel wonderful to some, but empty to those tempted by the juiciness of Venus in Water. We approach and then find ourselves gently set aside with clear thoughts and words.

The descriptions given of the Moon and Venus by element are suggestions and ideas, not formulas. Everyone is going to express her/his Venus/Moon combination differently. The essential idea, though, is to begin to recognize the difference between the two. Obviously, if we stay on the level of Venus, there may be a failure to fulfill the even more essential needs of the Moon. We could restate this by saying that the form of our relationships with others (Venus) must accommodate the emotional needs of the Moon, which are sometimes more difficult to identify. Certainly, for many of us, the Moon is a less conscious process, one closer to the soul, the indefinable part of ourselves that nourishes the life force. While Venus provides us with the beautiful container, much of what fills our relationships will come from the Moon.

The planetary level of interpretation is one aspect of astrological analysis. The houses provide us with yet another framework in which to understand ourselves and our relationships. Traditional astrology offers us the 5th House as a place of romance, the 7th as the house of relationships, and the 8th as the house of sexuality. I want to address primarily the relationship between the 7th and 8th Houses, but first a few words about the 5th House.

The 5th House lies below the horizon and is thus associated with a process of self-expression. It is not very conscious of others in a specific way, so it cannot be considered a house of relationship. When the 5th is described as a house of love affairs, I think we can be a bit misled. There is not another person present yet. This meeting occurs only at the cusp of the 7th House at the western end of the horizon. The "love affairs" of the 5th, then, are more those of the imagination, a kind of adolescent theater of behavior that is not inclusive of the other. The idea that the 5th is a house of self expression may help us understand this. It is a performance, a way in which the youthful heart expresses itself. But again, it is not about love for another but rather one's personal way of demonstrating the zest for life and the creative force that lies within us all. Therefore, an emphasis on the 5th House without corresponding weight in the 7th and 8th Houses can indicate a one-sided and often naive approach to relationships. It is what one does rather than what others do or want that counts. While this can be very useful for self-expression, it has little to do with the two-way communication which makes relationships work.

The 7th House marks the point at which we become conscious of others as equals. In traditional astrology, the 7th is the house of marriage or partnership. That it is also the house of open enemies speaks to the paradox of relationships, that is, the attraction to and the competition with others. A deeper understanding of the 7th House may come from looking at it in relationship to the 1st House or Ascendant. We see ourselves in our Ascendant. Naturally, then, we seek our complement in the 7th (or Descendant). An image of self is completed through the qualities present in the 7th House. The key word here is image, differentiated from the word "substance."

The substance of self, on the level of the houses, is reflected by the energies present in the 2nd House, also known as the house of resources. Our material possessions and sense of self-worth may be seen here. Therefore, there is a progression from the 1st to the 2nd House. It is the progression from surface to substance. It is natural that we tend to identify more with the surface because that's what is most visible. The same pattern exists on the other side of the horoscope with the 7th and 8th Houses. When we focus, then, on the 7th House in relationship analysis, we deal more with the outer form than the inner substance or body of the relationship. This is shown more clearly by the 8th House.

The 7th House may represent the meeting of the "other." The 8th House indicates fusion with another or union at a greater level of depth or intimacy. It is interesting that the 8th is also associated with death or transformation. This is the magical process that takes place when true union is formed. Each of the partners is changed individually, and a third entity, the union, is formed. The 8th is also properly the house of sexuality, which can be associated with union and transformation. Another way to view the 8th House is through its opposition to the 2nd House of one's own worth or resources. The 8th refers to the resources of others and, I believe, more importantly the approval that we need from others. For example, if Capricorn is on the cusp of the 8th, we need our sense of authority or status approved by others.

The paradox or problem is to meet the needs of both the 7th and 8th Houses. As they are often tenanted by different signs as well as (in some cases) different planets, this can seem to be problematic. For example, if one has Cancer on the 7th cusp, the ideal partner may be seen as intimate, sensitive, inner-oriented and self-protective. Leo might then be on the 8th House cusp, which would demand a bolder, more risk-taking partner. There are several ways in which one may deal with this. One is to opt for the 7th House and try to forget about the 8th. After all, real intimacy or fusion can be so threatening as to be undesirable anyway. In rare cases one might opt for the 8th House and ignore the qualities of the 7th. This might occur when important planets are in the 8th while the 7th is untenanted. Generally speaking, though, we feel more comfortable dealing with image than with substance. Less change is required and deeper emotional issues can be avoided in this way.

The price for staying at the level of the 7th House and avoiding the 8th is that of loneliness. Even if we live with someone for 30 years, if we don't cross the threshold from the social form of the 7th House into the crucible of transformation of the 8th, we will feel alone. We may protect ourselves from the intense pain of facing our deepest fears, but at the same time we die a little every day as we close the door to true intimacy and companionship.

Ideally, we can meet the diverse needs of houses 7 and 8 by dealing with process and accepting that relationships and human beings are dynamic. The Sun does not stay in Leo for two months, for example. It transits from Leo to Virgo. This suggests that the zodiac, and life, is a process of movement. If one has Leo on the cusp of the 7th and Virgo on the cusp of the 8th, the idea is that relationships (on the level of the houses) evolve from Leo to Virgo. This could mean that beginnings or surfaces of play and creativity evolve into perfected working forms that bring about deep union. What is Leo becoming Virgo? What is Aries becoming Taurus, or any other sign pair? This kind of synthetic understanding of process is essential to raising your astrology above the level of static and limiting interpretation. It is also the kind of dynamic thinking that raises the level of one's relationships from categorical cliches to living experiences.

If there are planets in the 7th and 8th Houses, they will also help us understand processes of development in relationships. Saturn in the 7th and Jupiter in the 8th suggests that initial limits or testing can bring clarity to allow opening and discovery later. Jupiter in the 7th and Saturn in the 8th could indicate that initial openness may be followed by closing or fear. A more positive interpretation might say that initial optimism about relationships may give one the confidence to do the hard work necessary to achieve deep union. The possible combinations, of course, are infinite when we add aspects, house rulers, etc. The key, though, is a flexible and open approach which seeks to let in as much as possible, rather than closing down and finding the one "right" answer about the perfect other. The fact is that the perfect other exists in you. If you can accept and love yourself, love will come to you. If you cannot accept love for your self, you are unlikely to find the perfect partner to make it all happen for you. The good news is that you don't have to convince others of your worthiness, only yourself--from that, all you need will come.

The 8th House describes the rewards we can get in an intimate relationship, but it also portrays the price we must pay. Thus, if Sagittarius on the cusp of the 8th House promises wisdom, adventure and learning, it will be through your own willingness to be adventurous, honest and wise that this will come to pass. This amounts to withdrawing projection and finding all of the houses of your chart within yourself. Projection is the search through others for those parts of ourselves which we cannot consciously find or accept. The 7th and 8th Houses are strongly related to projection, as we have a tendency to search for the energies here in our relationships. Again, the irony is that when we act out these houses with others that energy is returned to us in satisfying ways. When we fail to incorporate the energies of our 7th and 8th Houses (and the rest of the chart, for that matter), we tend to create relationships that will not endure or which inhibit our capacity to be fully functioning beings.

Relationships, at their best, enable us to go outside ourselves to awaken that which is dormant within us. Michael Lutin's book Made in Heaven?: The Astrology of Relationships Real and Ideal (Ballantine, 1987) deals with this idea in a very interesting way. Simply put, Michael suggests that we seek our opposite for qualities that we don't see in ourselves, that we are initially attracted by this. Some one with a Taurus Ascendant, for example, may be fascinated by the intensity and emotional control of a Scorpio. But, Michael writes, if we don't incorporate that Scorpio intensity or quality in ourselves, we will eventually reject the other for the very reasons that attracted us in the first place. Fascination or attraction turns to rejection when the behavior is not incorporated within us. We could say that the projection, in this case of power or sexiness, can begin a relationship but cannot sustain it. If relationships continue without this withdrawal of the projection, the partners do not function as full human beings but become partners in a dependent relationship that does not foster growth.

Oppositions between planets are also frequently indicative of projection; we tend to identify with one of the planets in the opposition and project the other. Normally, we will project the planet that is most difficult to integrate in ourselves. We tend to project outer planets in opposition to inner ones. Males tend to project "female" planets and vice versa. We will project planets that do not fit into the value systems of our families or cultures--those that do not easily integrate with our Sun, Moon or Ascendant.

One of the common examples is that of Venus in Aquarius opposite Pluto in Leo. The individual will tend to identify with Venus, the personal planet. Venus in Aquarius may see itself as friendly, open, idealistic, non-possessive and without guile. Often, however, very Pluto-type partners are attracted. That is to say, strong-willed, jealous, manipulative or dishonest individuals often come into the life. The person can feel that s/he is an innocent victim of this unpleasant Pluto character.

Obviously, if the pattern continues, it should remind the person that Pluto is an important part of her/his relationship picture. S/he is not the victim, but rather a participant in a story of the balance between coolness and intensity, freedom and possessiveness. When the individual withdraws the projection and can see her/his Pluto needs (i.e., power, intensity, struggle), it is less likely that these qualities will have to be brought in unpleasantly by others. Pluto with Venus implies relationships which go to the depths and transform old patterns about love, beauty and self-worth. The pain comes from attachment and is alleviated when one can consciously and willingly participate in change.

The 7th and 8th Houses and oppositions are all indicators of who we can be in relationships. Playing the parts of our signs and planets enables us to choose our place and to participate from a position of power, not from that of the victim. Saturn in your natal 7th House does not mean that you must be disappointed in relation ships. It means that you need to develop integrity, authority and clarity to build relationships that will serve you. Every dilemma in the horoscope includes its own resolution. The very planets that appear to present problems also point the way to fulfill your needs and succeed in your life. The challenge is to be open enough to find ways to bring in the creativity to do this.

We have certain myths about relationships that are difficult for all of us. The "happily ever after" story is one that creates expectations of perfect love that few of us can find. All relationships are based on tension and harmony. The tension is in the meeting of two individuals who must retain their own individuality to retain separate identities. The harmony comes from the exchanges, the sharing that opens doors to feeling and discovery. On one level, Venus represents the ideal of this harmony, the capacity to live as a couple. Mars may represent the part of us that actively asserts our will to act individually. We could say, then, that a relationship is not Venus, nor the Moon, nor the 7th or 8th Houses. It is a dance, a moving to wards another and a moving back towards the self. Venus and Mars, the Moon and the Sun, the Ascendant and Descendant are all expressions of this.